Tuesday, October 12, 2004

quid nunc 

I sleep beneath a blanket made of genuine strawberry fruit leather. Can I borrow your crossed swords? Record your complaint on this crisp rye cracker. The cities are burning and my invisible eye weeps blood. I'm going to light a candle & burn some incense. The purification ritual is almost complete. Let us prepare for the sacrifice -- neon blue cement slowly fills the small box -- your "chamber," I believe you call it. We're going swimming in our new bathing suits.

I claim this handful of corn in the name of the Vegetable Heroes. We're standing by, waiting for the sun again. My hands are stained with the juice of the freshest blueberries in America. A blank expression?

One hand in the blender: No one wants to buy my paintings. Come alive, little mouse with the football jersey! You're number "1" and everyone's counting on you to come through, little guy! We're going through some changes this morning -- I can't tell you how much this news report means to me. Can we agree on a random integer?

I'll have to return my telephone calls later. I'm the leader of the army of abandoned Christmas trees. I'm the last in line & I have the T-shirt to prove it. We're going so far underground -- no one will ever believe my field report now! I'm not an impostor -- I'm an insurance salesman!

Many of you will remember me as the nameless, faceless tile-washer down at the still. Can I borrow your fork? I don't believe in Christian Lightning. Would you like another shot at destroying the meteor? This is your day! Make it happen! Slap yourself silly, cracker-breath. I'm beneath the floorboards, waiting again.

Money isn't lemonade -- a broken shotgun won't save your soul. I'm expanding again. A lock w/ no combination, a combination w/ no lock -- a series of mushrooms emblazoned with my new logo -- the star symbolizes my appreciation for the finer things in life. I'm drawing a conclusion & my paper will rise to the top of the pile.

My fingerprints are proof that I've been working very hard in math class. Plastic money is my best invention. My pupils are star-shaped. Broken teeth on a string -- I'm not kidding, children.

I'm alive thanks to my deep-fried breadcrumbs! Praise the New World, little gods! I'm inviting myself to the magic picnic. Black turns to white and the stars shine in the daytime. My heart is still beating.

I'm the giant eagle & I'll be swooping down to snatch up your neglected children. I'll take them to a better place where they will no longer have to fear the police or their parents. I'm made of American plastic. I'm the lightning bolt symbolized in our church's new stained glass window. Your status card entitles you to a 10% discount on all Happy Land products.

Bring me a stack of buckwheat pancakes & some military syrup. I'm wearing #11 this morning -- shout it out! Breakfast is beautiful! These pancakes are fluffy & filling at the same time. Sell that sailboat -- Here's your commemorative hooded sweatshirt. It's size "large" -- I figured an "XL" would be too big for you.

I'm running through the jungle, and it _would_ be nice if we were older. Come inside & help us create the illusion of beauty. I'm doing the best job I can. I'm hungry for some real food -- I'm tired of candy & free sneakers.

Ice Cream is my religion & my cowboy hat is actually a chocolate replica. I'm serious and not sorry. Abe Lincoln's got my back. No one can tell me anything! I'm not the Jolly Green Giant who stole your wallet.


J. D. Nelson is meaner than a rattlesnake and three times as delicious.
Read more: http://MadVerse.com

shared by : J. D. Nelson


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